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[22 Dec 2009|08:14pm] |
ladskfj;lsdfma;elih...
seriously..
theres too much shit going through my head right now..
like you... and our "old" issues
money issue..
fucking bills..
my fucking job..
the well being of my child..
wheather or not i can be a great mother..
wheather or not youre always going to be around..
wheather or not i have to do this on my own..
wheather or not im going to have a healthy baby..
theres just so much shit going on in my head..
i really dont wanna hear you complain about the petty shit
like how youre sleepy, how youre hungry, how you dont have money..
im fucking sleepy all the damn time now..
you dont have a parasite sucking up all your energy.. 24/7
taking up all your nutrients..
you dont have to talk to people with problems 5 days a fucking week..
while being sleepy, tired, having back pains, hungry and BROKE!..
Do you hear me fucking complain as much as you do?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOO!
SO be a man a SUCK IT THE FUCK UP!
having a baby around will only make us more sleepy
and tired.. and BROKE..
i dont wanna hear it anymore..
no one here is going to baby you..
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[30 Nov 2009|07:20pm] |
ok.. new problem...
I NEED BACK UP MONEy!!!...
i cannot rely on anyone but myself.. =/
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[30 Nov 2009|07:01am] |
im having a problem.. (wats new)
its still bugging me that he cant check his email
in front of me..
i dont think he checked his email once
when i was over there.. i dont think
he ever does..
still bugs me that he kinda
hides his phone when he gets a text.. before he
shows it to me..
its really bugging me.. and of course
i cant bring it up to him..
because.. itll be like.. "you dont trust me.."
blah blah blah..
maybe i do trust you.. i just dont trust them..
i cant control what people email you.. or text you..
but why hide it from me.. if you know nothings going on..
we are going to be living together in a couple of days..
its kinda hard to avoid those things when we are
together on a constant basis..
there is no privacy.. anymore..
my business is yours.. and yours is mine..
we are having a kid for crying out loud..
i dont wanna feel like i have to tippy toe around
you or your business.. thats what ive been doing
for the past couple of months.. and yeah it worked..
i just wanna feel comfortable.. i just wish..
youd change your phone number and email..
start fresh..
but i know you wouldnt do that.. not even for me..
why should you.. right? =(
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[03 Nov 2009|05:33pm] |
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i have a feeling hes cheating on me =(
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[24 Oct 2009|10:07am] |
5 GRAND WILL BE MY PORTION..
THAT WILL COVER THE BEDROOM AND BATHROOM..
NOTHING MORE..
I JUST NEED A PLACE BY DEC..
OR IM GETTING MY OWN APARTMENT..
AND YOU CAN VISIT ME AND YOUR CHILD
ANYTIME YOU WANT..
PER MY MOTHER..
THERE GOES MY CHILDRENS SAVINGS..
AND MY WEDDING MONEY..
I WILL MAKE IT A POINT
TO HIDE MY MONEY..
IN DIFFERENT PLACES
WHERE NEITHER I NOR YOU CAN TOUCH IT..
JUST IN CASE MY CHILD DECIDES TO GET PREGNANT
AND HAVE TO MOVE OUT IN THE VERY DISTANT FUTURE..
THERE WILL BE MONEY THERE..
AS THERE IS MONEY FOR ME THANKS TO MY PARENTS..
OR.. IN CASE THERES SOME SORT OF TSUNAMI..
WE CAN MOVE TO ALASKA WITH THAT MONEY..
K THANKS..
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[24 Oct 2009|09:41am] |
i have a feeling im going to be
broke and struggling in the near future..
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[14 Oct 2009|09:08am] |
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I WANT TO SHOOT HIM IN THE GROIN..
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[11 Oct 2009|09:25am] |
To see a bright light in your dream, indicates that you need to move toward a higher level of awareness and feeling. Bright light dreams are sometimes common for those who are near death.
To dream that you are attacked by zombies, indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life.
To see aliens in your dream, signifies that you are having difficulties adapting and adjusting to your new surroundings. You are feeling "alienated" and invaded. You are also having difficulties in how to handle or deal with a certain situation or person. On a psychological level, seeing aliens may represent an encounter with an unfamiliar or neglected aspect of your own self.
To see a ring in your dream, symbolizes emotional wholeness, continuity and commitments. If the ring is on your finger, then it signifies your commitment to a relationship or a successful new endeavor. It also indicates your loyalty to your ideals, responsibilities, or beliefs.
To see a lock in your dream, signifies your inability to get what you want or that you are being kept out of some activity or situation. Perhaps an aspect of yourself is locked up inside and needs to be expressed.
To dream that you are being chased, signifies that you are avoiding a situation that you do not think is conquerable. It is often a metaphor for some form of insecurity. In particular, to dream that you are chased by an animal, represents your own unexpressed and unacknowledged anger which is being projected onto that animal. Alternatively, you may be running away from a primal urge or fear.
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[04 Oct 2009|07:48am] |
i wish i had some sleeping pills..
i fucking hate waking up at the crack of dawn..
then i start thinking..
and thinking.. and thinking..
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......
make it go away..
all i wanted was some lotion..
sandals and sunglasses..
i need to make some extra money somewhere..
somehow..
im so sad
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[29 Sep 2009|07:31pm] |
im horny.. just great..
san diego was guuurate this weekend..
we didnt fight.. thank god..
i gave him a lap dance.. drunk..
while playing monopoly in the hotel room..
ha.. it was great..
bear loves penguin in real life too!
drive home.. i got bored..
good times
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[22 Sep 2009|07:27pm] |
i shouldnt have to feel like
i have to make an appt with my own bf..
fuck you..
i feel fucking scared to ask you to hang out..
should i just fucking wait around for you to
wanna hang out with me..
fuck you\
and you know what your response would be..
i fucking hung out with you all weekend..
what more do you want..
fucking typical asshole
try to make me feel fucking guilty..
for not giving you space..
fuck that..
maybe a girl just wants some attention
from her bf..
but i guess thats too much to ask for..
dont even bother to ask how my fucking day was..
maybe i had the fucking worst fucking day ever..
which i did.. but noooooooooo...
not even a phone call..
maybe just to hear my voice..
no flowers..
I LIKE FUCKING FLOWERS!!!
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[21 Sep 2009|06:44pm] |
im feeling.. soo.. depressed..
and insecure.. maybe
depressed because im insecure..
i watch my bf look at other girls..
i guess i w as watever about it..
but... it kinda hurts..
like.. man..he could be with some hot chick..
but yet hes with fat ol asian me..
a fat asian girl is not attractive..
i feel like that.. i used to be hot.. =(
and now im just plump like a fat orange pumpkin..
i hate feeling insecure..
it makes me wanna eat even more..
=( and drink.. =/
i wanna look like this again...
i feel like crying..
everything just tastes so fucking good right now..
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[14 Sep 2009|07:49pm] |
i had a great time this weekend with the bear..
he has weekends off for a while..
school all day..
i dont know if thats a good thing or bad..
well.. that means.. hes like.. free for night time..
and like.. you know... me too.. but like..
you know.. i dont think he wannts to see me everyday..
=(
anyways.. we had a fun filled weekend..
we went to boomers..
miniture golf, baseball, water thing war..
so.. we came home played monopoly cus ive never played it before..
i never knew how to play it..
and i ended up bankrupting him.. HA HA HA!!
=D
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[11 Sep 2009|08:21pm] |
well i went to the ENT dr..
he found two nodes on the base of
my tounge sitting above the epiglottis..
said they were inflamed lymphoid tissues..
he also said i had tonsilitis..=/
he gave me meds to shrink them..
and if that doesnt happen..
dun dun dun.. surgery =(
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[05 Sep 2009|03:02pm] |
i was looking forward to seeing him today..
now my saturday is ruined..
i dressed up super cute..
styled my hair super cute..
he likes it when i do that.. =/
im off monday..
hell probably spend the day sleeping..
he works and sleeps all the damn time..
i feel left out..of the routine.. =(
im so sad today..
theres like a huge lump in my
throat from keeping myseld from crying..
i dont wanna ruin super cute make up either..
what a waste..
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[30 Aug 2009|02:29pm] |
i guess he loves me..
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[28 Aug 2009|08:22pm] |
nom nom nom..
i wish my life was more carefree..
fun.. doubtless.. filled with love
and joy..where no one could hurt me..
just.. rich..
i wish i was rich..FUCK
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[24 Aug 2009|07:19pm] |
ive known whiteboys for about 4 years now..
nothing has changed much..
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[22 Aug 2009|08:56am] |
i was talking to the intern yesterday at lunch..
we were talking about relationships..
she had a boyfriend for 4 years.. and he cheated on her..
and she straight out packed up her shit and left..
and i asked her.. really? just like that?..
did you love him?.. and she said hell yea i loved him..
but how can you sleep in the same bed with a person you love
and know that there was someone else in bed with him..
she said.. i dont wanna live my life always thinking
theres gonna be someone else.. its all about YOU in the end..
you need to think about yourself first..
that got me thinking.. a lot..
this bitch has balls.. i wish i had the balls to just walk away..
but i couldnt.. there wasnt anything i wanted more than just to be
with him.. for watever fucked up reason.. i love him..
i love him with a passion.. and i cant explain it..
someone told me the other day.. how can a person in a relationship
take constant reminders of what they did wrong on a daily basis..
he said.. if you wanna be with him.. then you have to let the
shit that hes done go..
i can forgive.. but ill never forget..
and i wont put my guard down that easily..
i dont know why its bugging me again lately..
all of a sudden im thinking.. and thinking..
about the past 3 years..
i pray to god everyday.. to make this work..
to make me a stronger person..
i pray that i dont find out anything new..
pray that i can move on from this..
learn from it.. and deal with it better..
i hope i can..
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[16 Aug 2009|10:46am] |
..
im so hurt..
heartbroken..
used..
i wanna die already
call me to come over whenever you want..
tell me to leave whenever you want..
im the dumbass that does it..
90 percent of the time i always have to drive
there..
why... cus you dont fit on my bed..
cus you dont like sitting in traffic..
fuck man..
im fucking returning this 200 dollar jersey
thatll fuckin pay my gas bill
i feel like overdosing on this bottle
of pamprin
ds;lakgna adrsn;lkah
"
gsdgnlsndn;ldd
fhm;ls
hlsjs'dfm'd;lhm
s;ls,mnfajBfn,ANFSA[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<wn,wen;wtn;w>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] ..
im so hurt..
heartbroken..
used..
i wanna die already
call me to come over whenever you want..
tell me to leave whenever you want..
im the dumbass that does it..
90 percent of the time i always have to drive
there..
why... cus you dont fit on my bed..
cus you dont like sitting in traffic..
fuck man..
im fucking returning this 200 dollar jersey
thatll fuckin pay my gas bill
i feel like overdosing on this bottle
of pamprin
ds;lakgna adrsn;lkah
"
gsdgnlsndn;ldd
fhm;ls
hlsjs'dfm'd;lhm
s;ls,mnfajBfn,ANFSA<wn,WEN;wtn;W
ew.,m,SMNG,MsnD>gmndg,MNT,.SMNG,.MAWN,mn,mnq |
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